The college application process is often an extremely vulnerable time. Beyond the essay writing, interviews, and test scores, learning to combat pressure is one of the most significant aspects of the application process. Throughout our own journeys, we experienced non-stop talk about college applications that built up a lot of pressure and stress.
In this article, we will be discussing ways for you to navigate pressure throughout the college application journey—how to focus on your applications, how to set boundaries, why you shouldn’t feel pressured to be perfect, why you should not compare yourself to others, and why you should be confident in your abilities. We hope this article provides insight on the months ahead and shows ways to avoid unnecessary stress.
Apply To Colleges That Work Best For You, Not Others
Expectations play a huge role in which schools students choose to apply to and attend. Whether it is pressure from counselors, family, or peers, try your best to avoid these expectations and aim to apply to colleges that you think would best fit you. You know yourself best, so you are the only one who can ultimately judge if a school would be a good fit or not. However, this may be difficult because others, most often parents, try to fit themselves into the college application process. If there is a school that your parents require you to apply to or attend, try to find aspects of the school that you like and would make attendance enjoyable.
Additionally, many students feel pressure to apply to colleges because of their peers. For example, if your entire friend group is applying to the top twenty schools, you may consider applying to one as well because of the pressure to do what they are doing. If you genuinely want to apply to schools your peers are applying to, we encourage you to do so! It is not a bad thing to apply to similar colleges as your peers. The exception for this is if you are only applying to certain schools BECAUSE of your peers. If this is the case, we recommend that you redirect your energy into schools you actually would like to attend.
Setting Boundaries
Throughout the next couple of months, all anyone is going to talk about is college applications: where you’re applying, what you’re majoring in, what you wrote in your essays, where you got in, etc. While maintaining discussions about this topic can be valuable, it is also important to set boundaries for what and how much you feel comfortable talking about the college application process.
Topics You May Not Want To Discuss And Why
Statistics (grades/standardized test scores): One topic people might be inclined to talk about is their statistics. This can include grades and standardized test scores and how they compare to college’s statistics. Remember: you do not have to talk about your statistics with anyone. The only people who need to know that information is you and the admissions office. Discussing statistics, especially if you believe your stats are lower than ideal, can be nerve-wracking and make you feel like a less qualified applicant when that is not true! Most colleges perform a holistic review of applications, so do not let others make you feel like your stats are not on par with admission to a certain school.
College List: One of the top questions everyone will ask you is: “What colleges are you applying to?” While there are certainly benefits to talking about college lists with others—such as connecting with others applying to the same schools—do not feel pressured to talk about your list with everyone who asks. Doing so might make you feel bad about your reach/target/safeties compared to others or might pressure you to unnecessarily add more schools to your list.
College Decisions: Lots of people might feel compelled to share their college decisions as soon as they are aware of their status. If you feel comfortable doing this, that is completely fine! It is natural to celebrate your successes and grieve your disappointments. However, know that you do not have to share your decisions until it’s time to commit to a school and that there are many benefits to keeping decisions for yourself. Doing so prevents others from influencing your decision through their remarks, whether positively or negatively.
Side note from Hannah: Not discussing college decisions was something I did. Keeping college decisions private is not something that is easy to do. Many people felt entitled to know my decisions because they applied to the same schools and got offended when I did not share. Others assumed I did not want to share because I was not happy with where I got in. There were many times I broke my resolve to keep my college decisions private, but overall I am happy I chose not to discuss this. It prevented others from commenting on my accomplishments or shortcomings and made me confident that my decision was my own, not the product of others’ commentary.
How To Combat The Pressure To Discuss College 24/7
It can be so easy to let the college process consume your every thought. That is why it is important to create spaces for yourself where you do not have to think or talk about applying to colleges. Doing these can greatly improve your mental stability during this period. Here are some ways you can accomplish that:
Have people in your life who will not discuss colleges with you.
Set aside one day a week where you do not work on applications or discuss colleges with anyone.
Find spaces that focus on something other than college (specialized clubs and organizations, sports teams, etc.)
Don’t Feel Pressured To Have The “Perfect” Application
You might have heard from counselors or other adults that in order to get into top colleges, you need perfect grades, test scores, extracurriculars, and essays. You may also have placed expectations on yourself that you must participate in numerous extracurriculars, write a personal statement that perfectly summarizes your life, or have supplemental essays that blow away everyone who reads them. All of these expectations put a lot of pressure on students, who are likely balancing college applications with a challenging class load, extracurriculars, and other outside responsibilities.
While it is important to put your best foot forward when applying, you need to remember that you cannot do everything. If you know agonizing over each word of your application is going to hurt your mental stability, don’t do it! Mental health is the top priority. You will end up in a school that is right for you, no matter what. Remember that the college decision process is so unpredictable that you have no way of knowing what will happen. (Side note from Hannah: I got accepted into the college I thought was my worst application and rejected from the college I thought was my best application, you never know what the outcome can be!)
Don’t Compare Yourself To Others
Throughout this process, it will be extremely tempting to compare your grades, resume, test scores, GPA, and essays with others. Comparing yourself to others leads to a toxic mindset that lowers your confidence and ultimately distracts you from your own college application journey. Therefore, when peers earn accomplishments that you do not have, do not let that make you feel lesser. Their accomplishments do NOT diminish yours.
Remember that everyone works at their own pace. If you complete certain application tasks faster than others, celebrate yourself but don’t flaunt your achievements. If you complete certain application tasks slower than others, remember that there are millions of others in your shoes. Do not spend time stressing out about being behind—go straight into actually working on applications. The hard truth: if students spent as much time on applications as they did complaining, work would get done astronomically faster (Side note from Naomi: I am saying this as someone who spent way too much time complaining—don’t be me!).
Instead of comparing yourself to others, try to work with others who will increase your productivity throughout the application process. Keep in mind that the person who may boost your productivity may not necessarily be the person you are closest to. It should be someone who will let you work in peace, who you can bounce ideas off of, and who will hold you accountable to do work. Working with someone will not only help you with your applications, but it will also help you remember to work with others instead of against them.
Not only should you find people you work best with, but you should also find places that boost your productivity. It can be difficult to focus at home, so finding places that help you focus is important. These locations can include libraries, coffee shops, and parks. However, we recognize that COVID-19 may affect your ability to find places that help you work, so we recommend finding a place in your house that you can designate as a workplace. Cognitively, if you associate a certain area with work, you will be more productive in that area. This means that you should avoid doing work in your bed because your brain most likely associates your bed with sleep.
Being Unapologetically Happy With Your Outcome
There is a lot of societal pressure to attend the most prestigious universities. However, this is not realistic or ideal for the majority of applicants. Not only are there financial barriers, but these schools also may not offer the niche program you are looking for or have an overly intensive rigor that is not for everyone.
Despite several completely valid reasons for attending a “less prestigious “ university, there may be some people in your life who express disappointment in your college choices--whether overtly or covertly. As hard as it may be, do NOT let other people’s opinions affect your decision or opinion about your college. Every single person has worked hard to get into college, so do not let other people diminish that hard work!
Be Confident In Yourself
Remember that you are good enough and have strengths and traits that are unique and valuable. You are capable of pushing through this process even though it is difficult. Your thoughts and background bring something new to the table. If colleges do not recognize that, it is their loss. A college rejection does not say anything about your character, so do not let these “setbacks” make you question your worthiness.
This college application journey will have a lot of emotional ups and downs. Beyond providing information about the logistics of the process, we are here to encourage and validate you. It is easy to feel lost or worthless throughout this process, so we want to give you support and clarity. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns about this article or anything else in general, do not hesitate to reach out to us: applicationoverloadblog@gmail.com.
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